I’m Rik. No c. C’s are for losers and people who like vitamins. Me? I hate oranges and sunlight. I make my own antioxidants.
I always wanted to write. My very first gig was in primary school where I won the position of editor of the school newspaper not once but twice, a record that stands today. Under my steely editor’s gaze The Stannah Times went from a propaganda rag controlled by an authoritarian teachers’ junta to a beacon of truth and transparency. Who reduced milk breaks from ten to five minutes? What exactly went on in the teachers’ lounge after the Christmas play? Did the infamous Teddy Bear Thieves of ’94 have inside help? No, but here’s a cartoon.
From such humble beginnings my interest rose. At high school I began crafting intricate space-operas that went nowhere and said nothing. In college I kept a diary with almost zero redeeming content.
It was at university that I saw my first taste of success, and also of consequence. I became an entertainment reporter for the student paper and my scathing film reviews became the stuff of legend, feared by the local independent cinema, loved by the masses. But the fame went to my head. After making some quite obviously slanderous jokes at the expense of Tom Cruise I was told to re-do my review of The Last Samurai. I did, and literally nothing came of it, but I still bear those scars today.
Since then I have travelled the world. Three years in Japan teaching English. A year braving jungles both urban and, you know, real in North and South America. Two years in Australia trying, and failing, to find a single can of Fosters.
Throughout all of this I have written, be it travel blogs, short stories or diaries. Realising that I’m actually quite proficient, I began the new endeavour you see before you: getting paid.
And, you know, helping people out.
Top 5 skills:
- Writing good
- Spelling good
- Doing grammar good
- Sweet Child of Mine on Expert
- Being lactose tolerant.